Zoë Bowyer

Sad news to report folks. Danny the dog has passed away. He had a grand old life and held on to it til the ripe old age of 16 and a half. He will be sorely missed by Mary and Bert (Moms and Dawds) and my thoughts are with them.

Many are the tales that can be told about old Danny Boy. How many dogs do you know that have appeared in The Beano? Well Danny did! How many dogs do you know that can shut the door? Well Danny did! How many dogs do you know that have kept a diary? Well Danny did(n’t me, Hannah and Moms made it all up!)

Here is a little extract from Dan’s Diary, written when Moms and Dawds were off holidaying in SA:

28 January 1999

Today John F was well pleased with me for the great job I did of watering his wee trees for him. I took the fat whoor Zoe for her daily exercise down to Cully and then took her out for an extra run to work off the Cadbury’s Flake she ate. We went up to Penny’s and the auld grey hair’s. I didn’t want to leave for the auld grey hair kept feeding me up. She gave me milk and spuds and pork ribs and bread and butter. I’m seriously thinking about moving house. Little wonder that Penny bitcher is so fat.

I had to take the fat whoor [Zoe] home for she would get lost she is so stupid and when we got home the fat bitcher Rosie was up on the kitchen table. So, I think I might stay here for these bitches are so stupid they couldn’t cope without me. And I know that Zoe is always well pleased with the great guarding job I do here.

29 January 1999

Today I took the fat whoor Hannah for a dander up to Penny’s and the auld grey hair’s. It was great scoffing up there again and the air smelt so clean. Hannah reckoned it stunk of manure but I thought it was great. Penny went demented again and the auld grey hair was nearly greeting when I had to leave. She was so upset that she nearly forgot to give me my usual leaving gift of a biscuit. I reminded her about it.

That other fat whoor Zoe was busy cleaning the house when I got back and I thought Moms and Dawds must be coming home for they’re always cleaning before Moms gets home. But no signs of Moms and Dawds and the hoors have gone out lushing again.

3 February 1999

The whoors have went out early today and I sorted out that red van again. Turns out that the postman does actually have his uses for he brought us a postcard from moms and Dawds. The fat whoor Zoe wouldn’t let me read it myself for it was addressed to her and Hannah. She says that Moms and Dawds are not missing me at all for there is a great dog in South Africa. I reckon she was lying for I’m the best dog in the world. I can’t wait to see Moms and Dawds’ faces when they see me again. They will be so chuffed. That fat bitch Rosie will no doubt make an awful fool of herself by going completely demented.